my brother just killed himself my brother just killed himself

I went to her house earlier after I found out she killed herself my my uncle found her in her car running in the garage. She keeps saying if I had texted one day earlier, maybe he wouldnt have done it and maybe because I took so long to get back to him, he thinks I rejected him. i have substance abuse issues and verbally abuse my undeserving wife. Im so sorry for your loss. So sorry for your loss. Kristins reply and nice words, are a little hope!. I wish I could have read it all, maybe I will go back and read it when I am stronger. I have all these pain that I do not know how to deal with it. I feel you my brother hung himself on Mothers Day . Heavy sedation and paralyss medication. How would anyone that has not experienced this horrific, reality tearing event have the remotest clue or understanding? Try and overlook the emotions your feeling long enough to sit and think whatever it was that made your Dad make that call was bigger then his love for you and it was a darkness that was just too much for him. We had so much planned. Remember dumbo with his big ears. Ive called him a moody bitch to be honest. I was the sole provider the five years she was in maternity leave and when I point that out she says what about before they were born when you were out of work and I carried you. All the best to you. Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelingsand that all your feelings are normal. In fact, we never really get over grief We just learn to adjust to a new normal. Eulalia DePrins August 19, 2018 at 10:45 am Reply. It was hard and still is. After he jump and finish his life my sister talk to me about him and make me believe something else She told me that he was never close her and is son he was thinking only about the money and working from earlier in the morning till midnight they never went for vacation they never went out for dinner or lunch or spending a weekend together he was never there for no one of them, he was all ways at work, and if he had a day of he was nervous and didnt like to go out or take his son at the school he also went with others womens and she all ways forgive him, but at last he never bit her or his son he never smoke or drunk or having weeds or narcotics.. never never never he was very smart guy speaking over 5 languages in clouding Chinese that he learn only with the Chinese tourist.!!! We just cant wrap our heads around it. I am with my sister who is griefing the loss of her son who took his life. After some questioning which kind of turned into arguing. I tell myself I know theyll hate me, but that hate is necessary to get through. Your comment made me think of the episode. We are both a mess. She could be mean, but she stood up for her friends. It might be helpful to seek out the support of a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/for-the-public/find-a-therapist/. Telling each other that every day. I wanted us to acknowledge as a family that my moms death had been intentional and not accidental, and I received a lot of push-back initially. I lost my partner to suicide in June 2016. i loved him and i do not think it is a selfish disease and i truly dont think it will ever stop because no one talks anymore and no one listens anymore. My cat, whom he was extremely fond of (and mutually reciprocated), died a couple months later I like to think they are spending time with each other. Hear my prayer. It took 4 days for us to finally find him in the tree. my kids OMG. It had gotten to the point where she wasnt the same old friend anymore. I think about her in the same way you do your brother. He didnt show any signs prior nor did we see any. What do i do, Richard McDonald October 13, 2020 at 12:14 am Reply, I am so sorry you too had to go through this. Its called: Ride Peace through Connection with Self Spirit Nature, Ive come across this article 18 years after my first love took his life outside my house. I feel like Im constantly looking over my shoulder as to whats next and Im tired of going to funerals. My husband and I tried to get pregnant for 5 years and we considered him our little a miracle. For me, it has made me realize that each day is a gift, and nothing is guaranteed for any of us. But I was always his, and he was always mine. I have never known loss or pain like this and I am angry upset and feel hopless. And most minutes of the day, I dont want to. That pain is your own and its just as valid as your familys. With my personal experiences alcohol & drug addiction are being left out of the equation when discussing suicide prevention. I found one on FB that has been extremely helpful, just for moms. I lost my younger brother 7 months ago. Ray.perez001@gmail.com. Its going to hurt like hell and nothing can take that away but time. Coreys Celebration of Life is scheduled for next Friday, 6 weeks after his death. I have so many whys so many things I need answers to. Then there was a motor vehicle accident that cause chronic pain-the trifecta! I personally feel attracted to your post, because I am having a hard personal moment right now and your situation makes me think about many possibilities. Looking back I think I was being so cold and mean that she had no other way to fight back.She had never really hurt me bad but I guess because of my past abuse in childhood and as a young woman I was not able to deal with this. At 42, he killed himself. I know most of you are used to sayingcommitted suicide andyou certainly arent alone. I will after 8 years go and say good bye to him. I loved him and never loved someone like this before, we had a special relationship and we knew each other since I was 16 and he was 19. I had some good reasons. Childhood neglect causes lifelong repercussions. We had so much in common. It was the reality of our relationship and the abrupt end. All the best to you. One Woman Shares What It's like to Lose a Brother to Suicide - Men's Health To know that Ill never hear those words from him again, never hear his voice, never be able to kiss him again, touch him kills me. He will always be on my mind. Either way, be well my friend. Even on the OK Days the dark shadow of my brothers suicide is always close by. Especially when things like this happen. Also, I want to invite anyone who has been touched by suicide to share your experiences in the comments below. I didnt grieve at the time I put it to the back of my mind as my mum needed me, my husband was deployed with the army the year after and then came back with an injury so I just kept ignoring the signs so I can be the strong for everyone around me, now I have had a breakdown and am currently going through test as the doctors believe I have Chronic Fatigue. My mom without her husband. For me, he was and still is the best partner/husband and our love and relationship hasnt ended. Im a lot needier than I was before this loss. Day before yesterday my friend and neighbor had a fight with her family. Right now I am in a mental institution because I have several illnesses but this has not helped me. my brother 26 years hung himself on 5th may 2021. i left for an interview with my mother and left him alone for 2 hours max i came back home called him out was looking for him couldnt feel him in his room. , Isabelle Siegel February 9, 2021 at 9:16 am Reply. If I didnt have my faith and the knowledge that I know that we will be together with him again someday, it would be so much harder for me. Seeing him hanging on the tree was so devastating. My mother suffered with severe depression but we saved her why wouldnt he let us save him. Ive been through a similar experience, my best friend abruptly took his own life just a few days ago. Keep your head highit does get bettertimes will get hard but you can do it! I didnt get to see her on Mothers Day and I will regret that and other things probably forever. My boyfriend bought him socks so his feet would stay warm. Keep wondering why, why, why?? i can't begin to wonder what he was going through. She Slays: Here's how I coped with my brother's suicide - Healthshots And his wife ended up pregnant 3 mos after he died (not his child). My 28 year old son was found hanging in the woods after going missing from a sober home 3 weeks earlier. From the moment New Year's Eve is here, I know I will have to face the torment of January. Im so confused about how Im feeling most of the time. That my life is not whole without him in it. What takes a person to that place. No, the family is probably not interested in what their friends and colleagues have to say. I cant know your pain, but I cant tell you that I searched randomly on Google, found your entry and felt compelled to type this out. Every single day that is what you see. As to the WhY only he knows. Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone. I want to see her again. He had just turned 20. He would have turned 40 in June. We are human. Im am devastated which I know is understandable but I also feel so guilty that I should have been able to do more. More than anything I just wish he said a simple goodbye to me before walking out the door. Michelle Wisdom June 14, 2016 at 6:56 am Reply, I lost a spouse to suicide. "Im a pedophile". I heard laughter outside ok the second day, and it felt like disrespect. Maybe thats where he was, and he wanted me to know he was happy. Many others struggle with the complex feelings of grieving someone who was abusive or who they didnt like, experiencing relief while also the finality of a harmful relationship. His laziness, and apathy, he didnt get along with my girlfriend/ wife/mother of my kids for years. I did everything I could to help him. She only had a high school education and was a mother/house wife for sometime. Not sure if my gestures to reach out will be welcome and with the grief Im already feeling for the loss of my brother Im not even sure Im even able to be supportive. I beat the door with my fist until my hands wouldnt close hit my knees and screamed out everything in me! Then he hasnt come home for awhile and I started to really worry . "I'm so sorry for your loss.". His bicycle is in my shed. . Thank you so much for sharing this. Think about him everyday. Im starting to recover, but I cant handle anyone mentioning his name. I know it feels Impossible. We can only guess at how much emotional pain he was in because he hid it so well. i remember just not believing it and i remember breaking down in my moms arms and it sucks it sucks so bad im so angry and upset i just miss him i want my older brother back. Charlotte, Im very sorry for your loss. Was very active in the community, aspiring robotics engineer, on the school football team, volunteered at elementary schools to teach young kids, huge support system, ran a few car shows for charity.. even with all of this he was never happy. www.rhondafrankhouserbooks.com. My heart goes out to each every one of you. Her best friend comforts me daily assuring me that she loved me right up to the end, and still got googly-eyed talking about me. Dont let go of the good they brought bc that will never change. But sometimes I just feel that I am not responsible for others feelings and I am carrying a terrible live. This is especially true on certain posts where we know that people are hoping to connect with others who have had similar experiences or who can relate. I have two children, 18 and 15 who I know I need to be strong for and I pray to God in time I will find that strength. Now I passed this horrible illness on to my precious daughter.Our lives went along alright most of the time, Lindsey had tried hard to work and be a part of society. They concluded they didnt have enough to have her locked up. Life is difficult. It is common to experience physical reactions to your grief, such as headaches, loss of appetite and difficulty sleeping. Ellie October 11, 2016 at 1:22 pm Reply. Bekah December 8, 2020 at 11:23 pm Reply. like leaving him in the living room by himself for hours while she played video games or slept. Talking to his friends at his wake, he was so loved by so many people and left such a great impression on their lives. Accused of harming him because, my late Husband had also died by suicide with a gun. Im so sorry for your many losses. My family does not understand. I dreamed for months that it wasnt true, and then woke up, and broke into tears. This is a nightmare. I dont miss the Monster my mom could be , but I do miss the times when she would love me with out limits. I moved him back to our home after his 2nd attempt and also sent him to a rehab centre in KZN. Im the one who found her.. Im in hell! I am not religious but I believe dejavu dreams all of it is because we are living the same life over and over one soul leaves and another entres. Robert January 1, 2022 at 7:46 pm Reply, My son of 16 took his life 12/17/21 all over a girl that strung him along and the abuse that his mother and her boyfriend did to him. Michelle February 28, 2019 at 10:26 am Reply. My sincerest advice, seek out a good grief therapist if you have not already. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . I lost my son to an overdose suicide last year, and while I knew he would eventually succumb to his depression, I was still shocked of course. You have my deepest sympathies. I took my brother, her husband, to a Crisis Center at a nearby hospital. He died after overdosing in his car while driving. I am so sorry. Nobody really knew her, or noticed she was gone. I am sorry for your profound loss and I too am amazed by some of the people who have never come forward to express sympathy. I keep having these feelings that her next marriage will end in the same result. My mom didnt want to let go. Around 12 things became more difficult. I divorced him in Jan 2021 but we continued our relationship living together. Everything is starting to feel fresh again just like the days after it happened. He was constantly in pain, both physical and emotional. I saw him reach for the gun, but he told me he was just pushing it back. Not one thing pushes a person to take their own life but often a series of things, along with distorted thinking. I want my brother back too and felt shocked and hurt that he would leave me here alone. On nights that were particularly tough, Id take all of his weapons from his house to be sure hed be safe. But chances are this was a very small piece of the larger scope of his life, and from what you are describing here you made it very clear that this was a problem with a very clear, tangible solution. I am the father of two beautiful daughters. But what I will say is that the God of the Christian Bible is a God of mercy and compassion, who cared for the sick and the suffering. Put off major decisions if you can. . Please stay strong for your children. Sometimes, stories went around that her bf was hitting her, and every time people asked her about it, shed just say that she fell over or something.. i just want one more chance. yes still but has lessened over the last 11 months. I have a similar story, If youre interested please dont hesitate to email me efelix83@yahoo.com, Stephanie April 17, 2019 at 8:43 pm Reply. We got him a card and balloons. His friend says I followed my instincts and avoided so much pain. . He was never properly diagnosed for 8 years as he would never follow through with treatment. When I think about it, Im glad he doesnt hurt anymore. My daughter in law was in her car and I was told to pull over and when I said who I was I was told he had died. I cant get anything done because I am in shock and the guilt of being the precipitating event that caused him to end his life. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. and had to actually walk a mile in their shoes, much less day in and day outoften suffering silently with overwhelming sadness, multiple years of medication changes, etc etc.then we would quite possibly be amazed at how they held on for as long as they did. She had told me she had been up in the loft earlier but I had no thought that she had been up there making a thing out of her dogs lease to do this nightmare thing. My son never ever showed any depression to no one. Her daughter, my godchild and niece, died three months ago from cancer. He insisted that I put our home in my name only, and he felt that I was the enemy he could not be trusted. I found my hero, on the floor of the garage, with a pistol. The pain does get better but it takes a long long time. That tiny spark is enough to keep you alive, and it holds all your feelings of despair, rage, love, confusion, hope there is still hope and you will find your way out. God, this sounds so cliche, but please, please, dont ever do this. There are people doing quantum jumps and shockingly finding dead people alive again in other realities. My heart hurts missing my baby brother. I have found that most mental health professionals are poorly trained to cope with child suicide s. Richardmcdo at gmail.com Take care, Richard. She was 29 years old beautiful human being, she as many others should not have died like this. A book that has brought me some relief is Life After Life, by Raymond Moody. I know its hard to believe, but the shock, anger, and confusion you are experiencing is normal. My brother killed himself in February 1986. I knew what mental illness was as I had suffered most of my life with severe depression and anxiety. If the thoughts continue, seek help and support. My dad hung himself yesterday and Im lost. She knew that and still forgave me for everything. Being former law enforcement, I immediately knew she would not be coming home. My sons kids are growing up with only their mother, and she is a mean and warped person much like your wife. I would like so badly to rebut the psychological effects of grief, blame and transference of power. Just a year and a half after my mom, when . It's a possibility and it sucks. I came in and she went back out in the garage I heard a scream and ran back out. Thank u Houston, jasmine September 20, 2017 at 6:22 pm Reply. He paid me alimony uninterrupted until about 8 months ago when he started being late or missing payments. I just feel that I am not doing fine but I would like that no one suffers. You sound like an incredibly resilient person; that is something to be proud of. I truly thought she was up there just just like always and never imagined anything else.The electrician found my baby, she had hung herself. You did the best you could. My dad hasnt been himself for years, and I guess I do feel a bit of a relief knowing that he is no longer suffering and that he can no longer hurt my mum. I hear that you feel guilty about your friends death, which is normal and okay. I truly hope that you read this and it helps in some way no matter how small. IsabelleS January 6, 2021 at 10:39 am Reply. It seems incredibly unlikely that if this were a primary issue weighing on him that he would not have engaged and at least explored the options you presented him for getting out of the alimony. Please seek help. Its such a tragic event and for everyone who loved her.such a loss, very cruel for her husband, and daughter, who she shared custody with her ex husband. Ive told my parents how I feel, like I indirectly coaxed my brother into suicide. And they did. In fact, I had not talked to TJ since October of 2018, when we had discussed getting together for a beer and then the holidays came, etc. I lost my mom to suicide 7 months ago. I dont worry about making others uncomfortable by speaking of my boyfriends suicide by overdose on 3/4/16. My boyfriend of nine years died by suicide only 7 weeks ago. Thank you. I will always love him and what he did for me and the girls, but I know I will see him again some day , Houston P April 27, 2021 at 7:09 pm Reply.